Giving advice about parenting teenagers can feel like a slippery slope and an enormous challenge. However, parents motivating teens to succeed at school is one of the top parenting priorities. Teenagers are notoriously hostile towards school, and while dealing with all kinds of changes in their lives, it is tough to find the right motivational keys to empower them.

Here are some suggestions that may help to guide their motivational skills. They can be divided into DO or DO NOT resolutions.

1. DO NOT - irritate your teenager.

This may seem like a role reversal. Teens annoy their parents, right? Did you ever think that parents may annoy their teenagers? Avoid conversations that sound like lectures or references to your childhood. Times have changed, and teens feel differently in today's fast-moving world.

Comparisons to other teens are annoying too. Avoid comparisons with other children because they make your teenager feel as if they do not measure up and that you are not happy with their efforts.

Avoid comments like 'You are improving, but I know you can do even better.' This is not encouraging because your teenager will think they are still not good enough even though they did better. That feeling of not measuring up is irritating and not motivating.

2. DO - Encourage your child to learn how to plan and organize their studying.

Planning and organisation are life skills. You will be helping your teenager with something they will be grateful for. Teenagers can become overwhelmed with the demands of their high school years. The leap from primary school to high school is enormous, and many teenagers are overwhelmed by the changes they must make. Take this opportunity to show your teen how to break up a task into manageable chunks. Taking care of a small part of the bigger whole is more manageable.

Another life skill is the habit of making lists. Help your teenager to list their needs for the following day or a sports event. Knowing you have a guided list to follow stops mad panic at the last minute. A day that is well organised is far more motivating than one of total disorganisation.

3. DO NOT – try to be in control of every detail.

Children, especially teenagers, need space to take responsibility for their actions. Yes, they may make some mistakes, but at the same time, making mistakes is part of maturity and taking on responsibility. Assure your child you are there for them and give advice when necessary. Creating boundaries is a suitable method of encouraging self-control without micro-managing. Your expectation is your child will respect the boundaries and work within them. Keeping their room tidy, for example, or being ready to eat at the dinner table on time, could fulfil household boundaries.

4. DO – let your teenager know it is OK to make mistakes.

Lessons are learned from success and failure. Try to impress your teenager that failure at something does not mean total failure at everything. Everyone makes mistakes. Even the greatest minds like Thomas Edison failed before they got things right. One of his greatest inventions, the light bulb, was a failure 1 000 times.

When asked how it felt to fail so often, he said:

"I didn't fail 1 000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1 000 steps."

When children know it is OK to make a mistake, they will feel more motivated to try and try again.

5. DO NOT – motivate with rewards, punishments and threatening tactics.

Research has shown this method of motivation does not work in the long-term motivational scheme of things. Rewards and punishments put pressure on achieving an outcome and not on the process of reaching a goal. Help your child to be motivated by the positivity of investing time and effort into something they will reap the benefits from later. This may seem somewhat abstract for some children, but as they see your enthusiasm for investing in the process, they will become more motivated to succeed through their efforts.

6. DO – Establish a routine at home.

There is a pattern or work ethic at home when you have a routine. The routine you develop lessens the chance of conflict over things like homework. There is a routine, and routines offer stability and structure. Once the times are set and the routine is in place, most children feel positive that they get on with the tasks. A structure can be motivational and empowering for a teenager dealing with many emotional issues.

7. DO NOT – focus on their negative behaviour.

8. DO – show an interest in everything they are interested in.

Showing an interest in all the different things your child enjoys motivates them. Teenagers may have some diverse interests and preferences for loud music or unusual sports that were not around in their day. Show interest and be supportive of their out-of-school activities. You may learn a few interesting things about your teenager through understanding what they enjoy doing.

There is no tried and tested teenager motivational recipe. Probably one of the most motivational aspects of parenting a teen is to pump up your ability to have empathy. Try to be the 'bridge over troubled water' and guide your teenager through these challenging years.

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