6 helpful strategies to manage school refusal
School days are the happiest days of your life! An ancient saying or a true to life statement. What do you do if your child flatly refuses to go to school? You try every trick known to man from empathy to anger, but nothing works. Here are some suggestions to get you through school refusal.
School refusal is not uncommon and affects the child as well as their parents. It is a stressful situation when school refusal becomes more than just mere grumbling about school. School refusal could be a combination of interacting risk factors. Examples of these factors range from fear of failure, a long absence after an illness, bullying and social challenges and even overly protective parents.
How do you as a parent begin to resolve this problem. The best starting point is to ask for help. Don’t try to resolve this problem on your own. Find out what triggers this refusal and work out a support plan.
Here are six strategies to give you the starting points to build on to overcome school refusal.
1. ASKING FOR HELP
It is advisable to ask for help early on if you sense your child has school refusal issues. Speaking with the teacher or a school counsellor early on may give you some insight to the problem. The teacher will be able to assure you that the refusal is just a manipulation of parents or perhaps there is a deeper underlying cause to resolve school refusal.
2. WHAT ARE THE CHALLENGES?
Finding out what triggers the refusal to go to school in the morning is an important part of the process to resolve school refusal problems. There could be any number of reasons a child does not want to go to school. Ask your child what is difficult for them from the time they arrive to the time they pack up and come home. Discuss the possible issues like bullying or separation anxiety that you can help with from the earliest stage.
3. BE FIRM BUT FAIR
Genuine school refusal problems can be daunting and cause anxiety. However, there needs to be some boundaries attached to staying home. Have a stay at home during school routine. If staying at home becomes a pleasurable experience then there is more motivation to decide school is not so cool.
Not attending school means other privileges are taken away. Television, mobile phones and video games are not part of staying at home and missing school. If you know your child is not really ill have work for them to do and keep a record of the number of times they face school refusal. Being firm means they understand how important school is and that you are there to support their education.
4. BUILD UP SOCIAL SKILLS
Children who find socialising difficult often have trouble fitting in to the school routine. Help your child with their self-confidence and social skills. School is a very sociable place. Students need to feel they fit into the social norms of their peer group. Help your child overcome feelings of being shy or insecure. Invite other children to socialise and encourage your child to participate in extracurricular activities.
5. TRY A DAY-BY-DAY RETURN PROCESS
In the event of real anxiety about returning to school after a break, or illness, it may be helpful to take a few days to reintroduce school to your routine. Take time to be understanding and explain to your child you realise school is coming up and it is a challenge. Enlist their commitment to this day-by-day plan.
Explain there are three stages to the plan.
Stage One.
Getting ready on time, bags packed, into the car and off to school. Arrive at school and feel comfortable with the ride and return home to do some work at home.
Stage Two.
Getting ready and following the steps from day one. Add on to the process and go into school for the first few lessons then return home. Success breeds success and so this may just be enough to continue the next day.Stage Three.
Follow the routine of day one and day two, but on day three finish an entire school morning of all the required academic lessons. Return home to do homework. Congratulate your child on building up their confidence ready for the rest of the week.
6. GIVE THEM A MANTRA
Discuss with your child what they could say that would help with stress at school. Try three encouraging words like ‘cool, calm and collected.’ The mantra keeps them cool in stressful situations, calming them down and you promise they will be collected. Never be late to collect your child if they have school refusal issues.
Here are some interesting school related mantras:
- Progress not perfection.
- Yes I can.
- Just breathe...and take three deep breaths to go with the mantra.
Giving your child some strategies to use to resist school refusal should be helpful to you and your child. Try some of the mantras yourself as you arrive at school to collect your child. Keeping calm yourself has a good effect on your child.
Related Posts:
